My Rails Blob

RIP Rails Blob

2006-08-18T01:39:00.000-07:00

I am sorry to say that my good friend Rails Blob died yesterday. He suffered a massive existence failure after a huge diarrhea blowback in a telephone box. When the ambulance arrived he was already fading... he had been phoning to book his place at RubyConf and was still clutching his well thumbed printout of 'Getting Real'.

The doctors said his diet of blogs and badly written computer books had been too much for his digestive system, and allied with the huge strain of the recent Rails upgrades on his nervous system, his intestines had gone critical and caused a fecal chain reaction. The explosion knocked the electricity out on three blocks and caused minor disruption to traffic.

Rails Blob should be remembered for his dedication to the cause of Ruby, his deep (very deep) fascination with DHH (he had several walls covered with photos of DHH in his bedroom) and his constant battle with the dark forces of what he called 'the Javacs', or what his doctors affectionately called his 'insipient paranoia with violent outbursts'.

He knew that the Rails community would go from strength to strength and that the veneer of smug, cultish, we're-so-hip-we-cannot-fit-trousers-on- over-our-pelvises teenage fan club mentality found in certain quarters of the community would grow up to be something better.
He always pointed out that Rails would inherit the mantle of Smalltalk, the greatest programming language ever written.

When history repeats itself, after all, the first time is tragedy. The second time is farce.

Now where did I put that flyer for the $900 one day 'Getting Real' seminar? Oh it's under my Tony Robbins books over there...

Regards

Clegg (Rails Blobs friend)

Ruby On Raels

2006-08-15T14:13:00.000-07:00

why dekstop as Linus has falled

2006-08-15T08:35:00.000-07:00

I is reading lot s of poepl that think lInus should be used on the dekstop.
I is a haxker and I know s my stuff. I love linus with all my hart but it will never make a good desktop. It is not cos newbs get confused by /usr and the sudo and the notepads wars and installin using apt-regret.

It is cos dekstops is best made owt a wood, now ins;t theys? Dum marhketwers peopls.

XsMeLL vs YMAL

2006-08-15T08:26:00.000-07:00

I has been reading the sRpoing web page. My God. Thans heavens we have the DDT.
He convented a code note fromat called YMAL (Yes Mateys Another lSandwich)
The one the Javacs use for SRpoing is XsMeLL called that cos it is a codefart of comsmic propertions. I tried using it for a laff in my notepad on Linus (KATE) and it smelt so bad I had explosif vomitting onto my LSD scream. I took tow hors to clean it.

We captured a Javacs and made him eat XsMeLL notes what we had written on toilte paerp and he died. We buried his body and made a grvestine what read "Killed by XsMeLL"

That is a lie buit it was funny, yes?

DDT woud be pround.

Rails: Avoiding Code Flatulentce

2006-08-15T06:06:00.000-07:00

It has beene my xeperience that a seasonde Runny haxcker has to watch oot for the others on his taem. Me and Clegg (my freind) is setting up an ecommerce and we is sharing our insidre knowledg for you today:

To avoid constant codefarts (which is hwen you has code that stincs) then you msut use th folowing rules:

Do Not Repaet On Youreslf
Do Not Repaet On Youreslf
Use variors that are shaped like a duck is (when it is typing)
Use dynmics intropetacles
Be Agile: this means having tow peple using the same keybord and mouse. This if diffict as they is alwasy fights. We use martian arts on each other and the winer gets to type one letter. Good code teks time (and a few blak eyes)
use inCro-Magnon and itinerant development processes- this measn hiring cavemen what is homeless and then making thems develope yous web appslications while you do inetrviews on wired.con etce ettc and PROFITT etc
use new framewok untilites like switchtowl and starefish (even though n-one know what they is for sure)
write all yis tests for yis code first . They is normally multi choiec like "what is the capital of paris?" onlty the code what gets the right answers gets into the projects. All our codes gets 100% in all exams (excepty gym - we is working on ours code s agility afters all!)

That's it. Don;t be like the Javacs. They has so many codefarts (cal;led names like hibriate and srpoinG) that theys coders cubbicles smell like a bunch of rancid of trmaps what has 24 hour convulsive flatelunetce. Ugg. Rubby smells like roses though.

To teh Cabboosers

2006-08-15T05:09:00.002-07:00

I awnt to Ptost a Ptost to all my friedns the Cabooosers. Others plz do Not read! Cabosoeo is a l33t Railzors Haxorz Only! In the olden Daze of Rubbys Rails caboose rulesd the greate Pplanes of IRC in a maner similair To the way the Ameriocan Buffalo raomed the America.

But ten.... teh NOOOOOBZ!!!! A vampire Atatack!! And we waz Pushed away adn Made #cabloose. Jusut like in High Scholl hwen my GF would sot bdate me bc she was To Poluopular. but Whose lagushfing now!

I present tso Dear Blobbophile an examples:

Now talking in #rubyonrails
bob - hi how do i make a blog please
railsblob - ACTIONREZORD
bob - ???

Now talking in #caboose
bob2point0 -  noobs suck
bob2point0 - i am so smart
railsblob - AZTIONRECROD

Of csousre we are usingg Unbubntu X!! For eletsozrs. Ecommerc. It si true I hav my busines Card. Ands tshe IRsc KEY. Also Atz railzxconsf we Met in sthe Secert CAboose Cave.

So ifs you are a Vampaire from Hell go to ru#byonrails othwrwise. Pleas remember the Docsktumentaion driev and mails your Doobloons to mak RoRr more beter. I ahve set 3 alredy.

Sees you at Rubby Comf!

pss. GF plz call me aspap :(

Uisng Design Pattrens in Yor Rails Appslications

2006-08-11T09:15:00.000-07:00

Me and my freidn Clegg has been using Raisl to set up our own W.w.Wwe is using my conputer running Unbuntu to be a ecommerce. When we wtriting so much Rubby we Dont Want To Repaet on Ouseleves so we is started to use Design Pattrens in our Rails appslications to abtrcst some of the Heavy Concetps out of our ecommerce.

The bestet one is here for you to use. Be careful as they is a pwerful voodoo for an experienced hacxker.

Design Pattren No 1: The Straws.

Used when we is making a system for trackjing farms aninmals (Moos! Moos!)

Design Pattren No 2: The Spots

We is using this one in detaild work for servers and bug tracking

Design Pattren No. 4: Legacy Paisleys

This one is used for attaching to old 70's systims (like man frames). Inspird by Cleggs's Dads tie collectshun.

Design Pattren No. Six : The Stripes

We has used this for our wok in corporait finance where they is bore as hell but pays well.
It stops theys being frightened by our leet haxckerieness.

Thats is all the Design pattren s for now. I is off to phome my gf again. She still will not talk to me and now she says she is hangin out with the laeder of the Javacs Users Group in our vilage. She says that he has designed some pattrens too and they is all by Italion Desingers. Typical. A Javacs has no tatse, but loadsa money. They is not hacxkers. They is drones.

At least Rubby has the zen of being won with the code.

Upgradeing Rails: Securiety through Obscenity

2006-08-11T06:16:00.000-07:00

My hero DDT has shown what a treu Hacxker he is.

No messin' arown - he uses his martian arts to TELL peoples when to upgrade. They is so afrid that they do!

He says

"UPGRADE NOW BITCH! OR ILL RIP YOUR HEART OUT LIKE CHUCK NORUS!"

"And don;t ask why or I WILL be angry..."

I has upgarded already.. but lets me tell you. I was sitting as my conputer sweating and stuff until it was finshed. I is afraid of being hackxer and pwdned as mccuh as anyone, but I is more efraid to fight DDT (and I is GOOD at martian arts and Rubby, let's me tell you)

My friend Clegg hasn' not left his room in too days after he read the Rubby Mailer List and he is hasing some, er, brown trowser poblems.

The Javacs must be cowering in theys Enterprises with feer. I am glad I is on DDT's side.

Rubysh Coders Vs the Javacs

2006-08-10T00:26:00.000-07:00

Me and my friend Clegg has been setting up a Rubby group in our village. We calls oursels the 'Rubysh Coders' as we is well up in Rubby and Agile. WE practoises the martian arts and code at our meetings. Tonight on the way home we was attaccked by the local Javacs Users Group who has been dissing us lots. I kicked serious ass! and also explained that Agile coders is always goin to beat Slow Javacs coders as I kicked ass. We managed to fight off moist of the attackers by threartening them with pcitures of DTT at Rubbyconf and thye ran away.

Unfortuantely we lost a feww good people. One of the crew wqs so traumaticed that he has given up Rubby and is nopw programming LIMP and Hassle. He says now is is fuunctional again.

Oh well, the Rubysh Coders is a tougf bunch but they is like my family since I was dumped.

Programming Rubby: An Introducktion

2006-08-10T00:02:00.000-07:00

If you are learning Rubby, I will help. My girlfriend did not undersatnd that The Rubby haxckers stick together. ..(She was very symapthy towards me when I said that my parents was both of them blind and deaf and mute, and they do not move around much. She said' Aww that's terrible' and I said it is really not that suprising since they is dead.) She has dumped me so now I have more time for Rubby.

How to do a methud in Rubby:

A methud is used to add things like so...

def methud(a, b)
return a+b
end

The a and b is called Variors and they hold stuff like small boxes (not made of cardbord but ditigal)

How to do a Block in RUbby:

Blocks is used to have methuds that are more ficcient...

def methud(a, b)
return a+b
end

def Block(a, b)
return methud(a+b)
end

How to do a Yield

Yields are a ficcient way of using Blocks

def methud(a, b)
return a+b
end

def Block(a, b)
return methud(a+b)
end

def Yield(a,b)
return Block(a+b)
end

Now you knows the Blocks and Yields that makes Rubby so easy-peas. I enjoyed that. Now I has to phome my gf to see if she will talc to me. I am on sKype so it is free and hopefully she is not mad at me not more for being a Rubby haxcker and spenidng all my money on my conputer.

The Rubysh Way: A Manufesto

2006-08-09T14:05:00.000-07:00

I am calling on the hacxkers on the plaenet!

Join us and become a ReAL hackxer! Learn Linus and Konsole
and SwitchTowl.
Praise be to the DDT! Long live Mathewz and J Frued!

My girlfried dumped me cos she says Rubby is a cult.
She said "You are a a complete cult" or something like that.
Now I just has my conputer and Rubby and the Rubby
communisty to share my life.
i am going to write a Rails Recipe in her honore.
It will Class.and will use many many blocks and swings. And yields.

I miss her. Rubby is GREAT!

Why blobs are better than newspapers

2006-08-04T09:29:00.000-07:00

Blobs are the new news papers.

Why carry around a dead tree when you can carry around a conputer?
I think the future is blobs being written in France and read in Mongoliar by yak herders.

I stayed in a yurt once and it had wireless broad band! The people used it to tell the space satellite to move the cattle and track them. It worked with microwaves like an oven (water molecules bouncing heat into the stratosphere to the space satellite by boiling)

This is why blobs are great. I can sit in my yurt and drink yak milk while writing my blob. Where would I find a dead tree news paper in the Gobi dessert? I rest my cases.

Why Javacs sucks

2006-08-04T09:25:00.000-07:00

When I was looking for a job all I got asked was about the Javac platform.

I have heard that this was used on the Enterprise (in the 1960's on the TV)

No wonder it is slow! If it was used by Dr Spok and Loenard Nemoy in the 60s it is very old technology! I am happy to stick with Rails and avoid Enterprise issues!

That is why I think Javacs sucks and REAL hacxkers use Linus.

Notepads on Linus

2006-08-04T09:14:00.000-07:00

This was the war that I have read about on Goggle. The people who have a religion of notepads!

There is a notepad on Linux called Vimacs. The front part is a notepad with a menu called Xmac and the back part (for hard use with Konsole for us haxkcers!) is called Vi which means five.

I have tried Vi and the escape key was under my finger too much. The keyboard nearly broke!
I have also tried Xmac and none of the keys works and I kept getting buffers running all over which is a form of hackxering I was learning in C++. but I do not want it in a notepad.

The best form of Vimacs si called Kate and is part of the Unbuntu KDE interfacial desktop. It has both the features of Xmac and Vi but is a better version of Vimacs and thus a better norepad for Linus. This is what I will use for my Rubby work. It makes Rubby come up with nice colors too!

Other people have told me to exclips but I cannot find it in Gogle and anyway - I am a hacxker and I know that exclips is made from the Javacs platform. I will not use any Javacs platform on my conputer, thanks very munch.

Rails on Unbuntu - Mongril or Lightttdp? or Web Rick

2006-08-04T09:05:00.000-07:00

I was trying to get Rails working on my Unbuntu computer. After I had read the docs and documentations I saw that my problem was that I was trying to use the Apacher sever which is not the easy one.

I had noticed on the Rubby forums that Mongril is a new severe for making Rails work better and so Lightttdp and Web Rick which is older and is installed automgiaclly by apt-get.

I will be using Web Rick and Lightttdp for my first appslication which is for cooking and recipes.
Lightttdp seems very nice but it is thewrong color for my desktop (fonts are too small ) and the Mongril needs me to use a notepad (like Vimacs) for configging which I am learning myself tonight. So I think I will use Web Rick. !

I will keep you posted!

Rubby Links on the W.W. w.

2006-08-04T04:59:00.000-07:00

Here are some links that you can hover to on the W. W.W . to find out more about Rubby and the Rubby on Rails (rOr)

hhtp:\\whythestiff.net

He is a funny man who draws pictures of creatures made of Bacon. His website is hard to undertstand for a new beginner, but if you are a Haxcker like me it makes sense! You must read between and over the lines (and around) for what his meanings are...

hhtp:\\www.rubby-lang.organ

This is the main website for Rubby. It has lots of docs and documents. All usefuel for you to learn how to do Blocks and Yields, and an Array.

hhtpp:\\www.loudshouting.com

This is the man who invented Rails. I forget his name, but he uses his initials for his name - DDT. DDT is so clever he is Danish. He invented Rails in a week and then went to live in America with other Rubby programmers. He believes in software Having Opinions which means that Rails knows what it likes and will not work for you if it disagrees with you. I think he is great. He fights with Javac programmers all the time. He always wins though because Javac programmers are Very Slow and he is Agile. Because Rubby was invented by Zen in Japan all Rubby programmers are good at martian arts and can Kick Ass if Javacs show up. I am just learnding how to do this!

hhtp:\\www.37sigils.con

These are the Really Important Programmers who make Rails appslications that run the W.W.W. They fight with the Javacs all the time and even though they are basicaly Camp this does not mean they do not kick ass! They have a religion that is called 'Getting Real' that costs 20 dollars and is based on Zen (like Rubby). I am going to buy this religion when I make my money with Rails. DDT lives with them now in one of their houses (they have three houses and move between cities - this is part of the Getting Real religion) Their name is because Aliens left 37 messages (sigils) on the bosses phone one day. He is called Jason Freud and he is not Danish.

(Please note I am not gay even though I like Camp)

New problems with the W.W.w

2006-08-04T04:39:00.000-07:00

I figured out that it was the power unit on my conputer causing the sudo passbox. I deleted the /usr and the /bin from Konqeror and re-installed with my new Unbuntu crroms. The sudo is gone now.

I am trying to be a technical coder and use the Konsole for programming Linus but all the commands are hard to remember! I used ls and cd and man today and then tried the automagic apt-get and now I have to use apechctl2 to be starting the W.W.W. Cool or what!

Now I just have to find out where the W.w.W is on my conputer. It says in the docs that Apacher uses the var and the www for the setup. I think they are in Konqeror and that should be easy.

The thing I am looking forward to is programming with Ruby in Vimacs, a notepad on Linus!

Setting up Apacher W.W.W. Sever

2006-08-04T04:29:00.000-07:00

I am having small problems with my Unbuntu boxen (as the hacxkors call them!)

I am using the KDE version of Linus which is the interfacial desk of the Unbuntu hard drive. When I chose to start Synaptical it keeps asking me to use the sudo passbox. I am not installed as a sudo and now the conputer will not let me use Synaptical. I read on the W.W.W that you can start a Konsole and type

'apt-get' and then the automagic install runs that installs all the programmes in the hard drive. But now sudo is there and I have to re-install my boxen!

Oh well, back at the drawing boards!

My new blob

2006-08-04T04:10:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to set up a new web blob (that's a diary on the W.W.W. for those of you who do not use a conputer) and here it is! The service that the search generator Goggle makes for me at Blobber is great.

I am at the moment setting up my Unbuntu conputer for Rails - the Rubby language W.W.W. framewok for making W.W.W. sites. Rubby is a great conputer programme language. It has the following sytnax elements:

Blocks
Frames
Swings
Arrays
Symbols (made with a : ) - that is not a smiley
Yields

I am only learning Rubby. It was written by a Zen man in the Japan who learned it while meditating and it Did Not Repeat on him. His name is Matthew and he makes Rubby to be fun for coders like me and you.

I will let you know how I am getting on as soon as my Unbuntu conputer has the W.W.W installed. I just the cdroms today and I will be onstalling them now soon!